Sticks and Stones: Body Image and the Mean Girls
[Photos by NR]
Top: Forever 21 crop turtleneck | Bottom: Zara leather peplum studded and frill skirt | Shoes: Zara wide heel strappy sandals (old; also seen at ebay) | Bracelet: Kate Spade
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We all know that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and it’s always interesting how the perception of “beauty” changes from person to person. Of course everyone has the right to their opinion but does it mean it’s ok to not have any manners?
I know with fashion blogging it’s inevitable that I will come across negative comments from time to time. After-all, I am putting myself out there…In the last few months, my photos were posted on a few instagram fashion accounts and facebook pages. There were nice comments but among those were some ridiculous comments such as my arms are too fat or my legs are too big and they need to be skinnier.
By no means has any of these comments affected my self esteem because I happen to love my body the exact way that it is, but I can’t help but feel sad how such rude and thoughtless comments are affecting the million of young girls out there who are depressed and/or are suffering from serious eating disorders and what harmful things they could be doing to their bodies just to fit the perception of beauty.
I’m certain these “mean girls” may be nice somewhere deep down in their tiny little black hearts, and the need to criticize someone stemmed from their own suffering, insecurity and lack of love and appreciation, but it makes me angry that folks like these can affect someone out there who is truly having real life issues or can caused someone to think that they are not beautiful enough. It’s a shame that instead of uplifting each other as women, some prefer to drag you down.
This topic is close and dear to my heart because I have close friends and family who has been affected in one way or another and I’ve always try to be the most positive and uplifting cheerleader for them, hoping it can help but sometimes it doesn’t.
Have you ever been affected by negative comments either from a friend, co-worker or a stranger on the internet? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog. You’re outfits are absolutely amazing – but what really stood out to me is your personality and kindness. These things are very apparent in your pictures and writing, especially this post. Thank you for reminding us women that we are beautiful, no matter the shape or size. Sometimes we need to hear it from someone else to make us believe it.
Whoever make nasty comments is probably insecure in themselves and uses negativity as a way to cope. You’re absolutely beautiful!!!
xo Lauren
I am so glad I found your blog! I have always been thicker namely in the legs and thighs and even though I haven’t dealt too much with negative comments, my friend and I did used to get sneered at when we went out. Maybe from wearing what we felt comfortable in? But honestly, you are gorgeous and I’m glad you have such a positive outlook on yourself and that you are such a good role model. I try to be but have had issues with body image for a long time. I felt the best about myself I ever have two years ago and since then have gained a little weight. I am trying to get back there but in the mean time still love myself. Some days its hard and I can only imagine that it would be hard to not feel hurt by negative comments. Thank you for sharing this and putting yourself out there with positivity, I LOVE IT! You rock!
I have come to the realization that hurt people hurt people. The women who criticize other women are just trying to cover up their own insecurities. It’s one thing to say I’m not a fan of this or that outfit, but a completely different thing to say so and so is this and that and look terrible, etc. It really is sad.
You look beautiful because you are beautiful. Keep pressing sweetheart! :-)
P.S. For me it has been a difficult journey to come to this place of self-love and acceptance. I used to battle with eating disorders and trying to be the “perfect” size. I constantly watched the scale and went insane if I added a few pounds. What a crazy and miserable way to live. The thing is I was too skinny but couldn’t see it for the life of me. I was walking around looking like a lollipop.
I thank God, that I’ve come to my senses and can see how insane I was to try to fit into someone else’s standard of beauty. The crazy thing is, that now that I’ve stopped worrying about food and weight, and now that I’m embracing my body’s natural curves and such, it’s kind of difficult for me to put on and maintain weight. Now that I don’t mind actually gaining a few pounds and inches, I can’t. But, am I beating myself up because I don’t have curvy hips and thighs? No. In time, with pregnancy and age, my body will change and curve and fill out naturally. I’m just loving myself and enjoying being a woman. And it feels wonderful!
Hi Valencia, I am truly touched by your comment and feedback. Thank you so much for taking the time out to read my post and I am so happy that you are happy and love your body the way it is now. As women, we are forever being critique in this world….I wish more women would stick together and encourage and support each other instead of tearing one another down. While I much prefer to have meat on my bones and curves to my hips, I think thick or thin you’re beautiful if you possess a good positive attitude. My respect fall short for those who are negative and criticize without looking within first, failing to realize how much effect it can have on people around them with real life issues, young girls trying to fit in, and possibly their own children or family members.
KTR, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. It’s my opinion that you are the ideally perfect size that a woman should be. But, I’m not going to shove my opinion and view down everybody’s throat and make people feel ugly if they fall short of it. Bottomline, I think that people are allowing the media to brainwash and bully them into accepting a certain standard of beauty that is unattainable for most. Yes, there are NATURALLY slender, willowly, wispy women out there who are beautiful, but who was the one to decide that that was to be the standard for beauty?
Why can’t people think for themselves? A woman’s body is more inclined to flow and curve. To go against nature and what is natural is not beautiful and should not be a standard. When did dried up, half-starved, bony bodies become the norm? A curvy, naturally fit body is hands down more beautiful. When a woman is confident, sensible, and strong enough to love her body and defy this madness, she is attacked by spineless, silly people who are too afraid to think and feel for themselves. BOTTOMLINE….
PEOPLE NEED TO STOP LETTING SOCIETY THINK FOR THEM AND START LOVING AND ACCEPTING THEMSELVES THE WAY GOD MADE THEM.
Well said my dear!!! Great post!
http://www.swoonblog.com
you look great my dear. that skirt is amazing. stay confident and do not let negativity get the best of you my love.
xx rae
http://www.loveforschoolgirl.net/ <3
I love your post. You look beautiful and no matter how beautiful you are there is always going to be that someone to say otherwise which is really sad. These “mean girls” are just cowards hiding behind a computer, who have their own insecurities and lack self love. I LOVE YOUR BLOG!
I love this entry. I truly agree with everything you said.
It’s just sad how people choose to take other people down with them or to belittle those around them in order to bring themselves up from their own insecurities. After I delivered, I lost quite a bit of weight, and I have been gaining it back a little at a time and people often make comments about it. People usually ask me how old my baby is and when I tell them 4 months, they look at me like I’m crazy because I haven’t lost the baby weight. But I try to ignore them and just focus on what I want for me. :)
You look amazing, and it’s crazy to think that people make such crazy comments about what you could lose and what you need to work on. Have they not seen your vacation pictures? You have an amazing body! Anyway, love this entry and that skirt! :)
These mean girls are just bully period. They don’t deserve to say some mean words like that. Besides no one is perfect in this world. Even super models and beauty queens have flaws. I say they do not deserve any attention and just do what you do best KTR. If these means girls can make such comments like that, I want to see myself what they really look like. I live by the golden rule – “Dont do unto others if you don’t want others to do it unto you. Sadly, some people just have a mean hearts.
Xo
Sam
http://fabulouspetite.blogspot.com
Brilliant blog post, and youre beautiful.
This is a very refreshing post KT…..I wish for the day that bullying will be just a thing of the past. I cant believe that mean girls are still living in our midst! Talented & sexy Bloggers like you should use their influence to put a stop to this meanness!!!
REBECCA
http://www.redtagchiclosangeles.com
That’s unfortunate that some of these “mean girls” felt the need to criticize you and your body. It’s always easy to criticize when there’s a computer screen to hide behind. I’m glad that you’re sharing this on your blog and your diplomacy will hopefully encourage other girls to support each other instead of bringing each other down. On another note, I’m obsessed with that skirt!
Marisa
http://style-rhapsody.blogspot.com
There are always going to bigger legs, bigger arms, skinnier legs, and skinnier legs. I read your blog because I enjoy it, particularly your brave fashion. I’m not certain why one would continue viewing something for the sake of critiquing it. I think you’re beautiful!
I want to say that the entire reason is read your blog is BECAUSE you aren’t a bony, tall, size 0. In all honesty, your personal style is totally different than mine. But I love looking at your photos because you are so confident in your body and rock each and every outfit you try. Your confidence and happiness comes through in your photos, and you are a total inspiration to me!!
Whoever said your legs are fat/big need to wash their eyes out with soap and water (it will burn but that’s the intention). I’d kill for legs like yours. Mine are so skinny and I always wished they were a little more on the thicker side which I think is beautiful. I love your take on this whole topic and how appropiate it is because this month is all about anti-bullying!
p.S. I love that Zara skirt!
As a big legged fellow, I have to say I love what you’re doing regarding one’s body image. I love the fact that you wear whatever you feel like (loved the tutu outfit in NY, btw) regardless what anybody would say.
I say: ‘Cheers!’, for always delivering gorgeous outfits, and for having such success with your blog.
Keep it up!
ahhhhhhhhh! love the skirt!
the lipstick gives just the right amount of colour to your outfit :)
Thanks for the skirt! looking forward to wear it aha
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Lovely post. You look perfect :) Bullies are awful. I was verbally attacked about my physical image by a complete stranger (woman) a few years ago. I think she wanted my spot in line. What she said was really awful and was really hard to hear. But I think it made me stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? :) xx
http://www.hapatime.com
And that skirt and shoes are the buzinesss!!!
This is why I love you and your blog KT! You are truly inspirational!
i am your newest follower and love this post – what a great way to kick off reading your blog. i happen to think you’re just so beautiful and have a great body (not to mention fab shoes and a sense of style). i feel like people only say these things to validate their own self worth, in a totally destructive way… ugh. props to you for being strong!
kw, http://www.ladiesinnavy.com
I would kill for legs like yours. Keep doing you. Your blog is EVERYTHING and you inspire me alot.
I can NOT believe there are people out there that’s take their time to say such rude things to another human being! I love and adore your self confidence and you are truly beautiful in my heart! Keep smiling!! :)
i love your posts, and i have absolutely no idea how someone can criticize you and your body! you are confident, classy and gorgeous! your sense of style is amazing and i applaud you for putting yourself out there! your legs too big???? never, perfect for your frame!!!!!! keep doing what your doing ktr!!!!!!
Love how your haters have nothing more concrete to say than to aimlessly nitpick at parts of your body, which, let’s face it, is the exact opposite of “big.” Anyway, love this inspiring post since it’s Anti-Bullying Month and National Mean Girls Day! Loving that studded leather skirt–SO cute and I love the flare of it and the simple chicness of the rest of the outfit!
xo,
Sabby
http://www.rougespark.com
P.S. You know I’ve always got your back, girlfriend. ;) :*
KT! Funny timing – I was actually just reading your post today when I received your comment on my blog. I think this is really inspiring! You’re blog is consistently positive and uplifting in terms of fashion and life in general. Good for you, for calling those out on their negative comments.
The hubby-to-be is doing good! We’re getting married June 7, 2014, so still far away but it was the earliest date that the venue we really wanted was available, so we’re happy.
P.S. Is your crop top from Forever 21 recently? I almost bought one from American Apparel but if it’s still in stock at Forever 21 I’ll definitely check it out there!
Melissa
http://www.prettyinpolkadot.blogspot.com
Hi Melissa! I got the top about 2.5 weeks ago. I don’t see it online but it could still be there and I’m sure the price at F21 is much more appealing. :) I’m so happy for you and your fiance. I love seeing wedding photos and I can’t wait to see yours! Congrats on the wedding date, it means you’ll have more time to plan!!
The fact that you embraced your imperfections (which I cannot see any at all btw) is what makes you truly beautiful. I knew I followed you for a good reason! :) I think what makes you stand out is not only your sense of unique style and your ability to step outside the box but I love what your blog stood for. Love and women empowerment. You are always positive even when your’re stuck in a negative situation and that’s what I love about you. I have received negative comments from friends (who are no longer my friends) and from time to time I would hear strangers talk about me in public places. Thank you for posting, it’s good to know I’m not alone. Anyway, I’m rambling but I want to let you know I love your blog and keep doing what you do!
To be honest with you, I started following you blog because you have a normal body shape and looks really good. I’m feel really identified with you because I have round thighs and big arms, however you follow fashion as other girls do it. Thanks for this post, it’s make me feel I’m not alone. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. That’s so true.
Thank you Caperucita for the support! Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder but I think everyone is beautiful no matter what shape or size. It’s all about a positive attitude! Thank you for reading and I hope you’re having a wonderful day! :)
Thanks so much for posting this…I’ve been thinking about these issues too, in the wake of some negative comments on my blog as well. I came to the conclusion that though the world is full of rude, mean people, it is even /more/ full of amazing, creative, supportive, and inspiring people, just like yourself. You are part of the awesome blogging community I have come to appreciate so much. That group of people, together, gives me hope that women can encounter positive, supportive people on the internet (and out in the real world!), hopefully more often than they encounter the ruder aspects of our population. Keep your blog going, girl. You are awesome.
First: I love your outfit!
Second: I’m lucky that I have not yet come across any negativity through my little blog, but I cannot even imagine being the subject of ridicule for my weight/shape/body in general. Especially since up until college I was always super skinny, and if I did get made fun of it was for being so bony! I’m glad you are confident and love your body – that’s so refreshing! And you always look great anyway :)
I love this entire post. . . I have received negative posts and comments before and wanted to write something but didn’t. You addressed it exactly as I wished I had. I found your blog and love you for for this post, your style, your positivity and it is sad that people (and most likely women) are so negative with each other. I worked in fashion and dealt with a lot of negativity. Overall it made me a better person and want to support women even more. It is quite sad that there are these people that nothing better to do than rip on people.
Continue doing what you do and looking beautiful inside and out.
Red Soles and Red Wine
I just read your post this morning before heading off to work… and I could not NOT comment.
I haven’t been affected by negative comments… even though I have been told both extremes before… “You’re too skinny…” and “your legs are big…” Just like you said, some people just have mean hearts. And I choose to not let such words get in my way. It’s sad how such people can drag others down.
I know you probably already know this, but I personally think you rock all the clothes! I started following your blog because of the love, vibrancy and joy you portray in all your photos and posts. And I love your quotes! :)
Awww thank you so much Nancy, I’m really glad you like the quotes on my blog! Hope you’re having a wonderful day!
Oh… almost forgot… FABULOUS skirt! Jealous.
http://theleatherskirt.blogspot.com/
Hee hee, I know you’re a leather skirt lover, you should get the skirt! It’s pretty new… :)
WOW! Love the quote you posted. Love your thoughts, too!
People can be so rude. Fortunately, I am confident so I tend to laugh the negative comments off but I know not everyone is so able. Simple rule from Mom… “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Seems that would be the easiest solution. Mean Girls… did you read that?
http://theleatherskirt.blogspot.com/
Good on you girl! Glad you spoke out against these bullies and didn’t let them affect you. Women and girls all over the world need role models who say, I may not be perfect but I’m happy to be me.
http://www.fashionpastiche.com
I’ve personally never been openly mocked about my body, I’m sure there are people who say mean things behind my back, some would even call them my friends. However I am fortunate to be one of those people who do not care about what other people think of me, sadly there are so many searching for their identity and rude and negative comments can ruin them.
It is a sad world we are living in, cyber bullying is taking over IG and the ‘mean girls’ now have an International platform. Please don’t ever stop taking your beuatiful pictures! You’re an inspiration to me and I think your legs rock!
Love the fluted hem skirt! Love! Love! Love it!
Natalia Oh!